Presentation Feedback

Dear Group Members,
 Please review my presentation and use the critique sheet Dr. Archibald has provided to give me feed back so that I can improve my presentation.

Conference Notes

I feel my first five pages are very successful. I have an introduction that consists of an anecdote. I wrote a story and set a setting for a baseball game. I expressed the feelings involved in the a game. I also gave background information on the triangle of baseball. The players, the organizations, and the fans. I wrote a paragraph for each section and told why each is important in a baseball game. Then I emphasized that the fans are the key importance in baseball.

           

I gave several key examples that emphasize the importance of the fan. I let the reader know that the fans are sometimes forgotten and that people think that the players or the organizations are the most important part of baseball. I let the reader know that fans participate in the game and are the main support base for the players. They area also a financial aspect to baseball. I gave some example of things we can do to keep the fans from coming back. I also provided examples of what would happen if we lost the fan base completely. Then I gave personal opinions from actual fans to support my position. Finally I gave my personal opinion and shared my own experience.

            The meeting with Dr. Archibald was very helpful. He told me to write more of a forecast. He feels my examples are very good and supportive. I need to be more descriptive in my introduction and set more of tone. I will take his advice and then apply it to my paper. He also told me to write my entire paper and then go back to the introduction. Once all my ideas are down on paper then I can go back and really forecast my introduction. I feel it was very good advice and I am ready to finish my essay. 

Sources for the 3ResProj

In order to find my sources I used Google search. I took the advise of Dr. Archibald’s PowerPoint and used advance search, the date changer, and the links type. These resources allowed me to look for more detailed and in-depth articles.  Most of my articles consist of sports writer’s journals and articles. I really wanted to get credible opinions for my topic. I also have a source that is specifically a webpage that deals with fans opinions. This page provided fans opinions about specific subjects. I also found a book source that deals with the psychology of baseball and why fans participate in the watching of the game. After I found my sources I started to do an outline. 

I made my outline consisting of bullet points and sections of my paper. I wanted to write out exactly each point I was trying to portray. First I outlined my introduction. I made sure I had a clear persuasive thesis statement. I also talked about the main three components of baseball. I then shortly explained my position and the point I was trying to prove.  My point was that fans are of equal or greater importance that the players or organizations that run them. After outlining my introduction I outline my several points I was going to make during the essay. I wanted to talk about how the fans pay for salaries, and the stadiums, etc. I wanted to emphasize that the fans are the main support bases for players and they are a key entertainment purpose in baseball. I talked about the consequences of losing the fans and listed suggestions for things to keep them coming back. I also listed some contradictions and objections to help prove my point and finally game my personal opinion. I provide my own personal experience and opinion on the subject. After writing my paper I realized I didn’t need all my sources that I researched and I only really used the sources from the advanced search tool.

Conference Notes

        I feel that the meeting was very helpful. We fixed my research proposal and pointed it into the direction of a persuasive essay. I want to emphasize the importance of the fan in baseball. I will ask the question of “defining something” defining the importance of the fan. We talked about the three components in baseball, which are the fans, players, and the organization. I am looking forward to writing the five-page essay and getting to express my opinion as a fan.

Defining something ….

-       The equal importance of the fan.

Read credible journals

Three Components of a Successful Baseball Team

-       Fans

-       Players

-       Organization

Research Proposal

Research Question

Based on the three components of baseball; the fans, players, and the organizations, fans are not taken as seriously. Should fans be considered of equal importance as the players and the organizations that run them? 

Research Thesis

Some people feel that the only main components of baseball are the players and the organizations that run them, but the real key concept in baseball is the fans. I want to emphasize the equal importance of the fans.  There needs to be more of an effort to treat the fans better to keep them coming back. The only way fans voices can be heard is through the writings of sport journalist.  Even with these imperfections in baseball why do fans keep coming back and call themselves “fans”?

I would also give my opinion from a personal experience of being a baseball fan myself. I would share my opinion on the subject and tell how I feel about the conditions baseball fans are placed in.

I would also provide objections to help prove my point. Some people feel that baseball fans come to the game no matter what. Some people feel fans only come if the team is a winning team. Those statements art not true you can have a team like the ……(example) who has a loosing team but their fans are rapid. 

ResProj Paper Ideas

"When most of us think of baseball, we head back to the fields of our youths, and the inexplicable joy we got form playing baseball. We learned about teamwork and sportsmanship. Baseball was just a game."              

- I could base it off of the opinions of the fans and I could ask “why do fans love the game of baseball and how are they affected by the occurrences that arise?” For my thesis to this question I could give reasons for why baseball fans go to games.What thrill arises from attending a baseball game. I could also give my opinion from a personal experience of being a baseball fan myself.

"A famous main example of people in it just for the money was the Black Sox Scandal, where eight players met up with a gambler who paid them all to throw the World Series. They gave up the biggest game of their lives for money, but not every coach or player has the same intentions.

- I could base it off of the opinions of the player and I could ask “what is more important to them the money or playing the game of baseball?" For the thesis I could give examples of each side; the players who are involved in the money, and examples of players who love the game. I could pick a side that I feel is right and then give my opinion.


After reading these quotes from my 2Syn paper what do you think about these topic ideas? Do you understand what I am getting at? Which one sounds best to use for the 3ResProj? Why?

Integrating Sources

Example 1

They were all banned from baseball for life, whether they have record of participating or not. Fred McMullin received $5,000 to participate in the scandal and grounded to the Reds second baseman to end the game, but as a witness he claims “He never participated in the scandal and he didn’t do anything wrong”(10). This confession is a clear indication of the lying and gambling taking place in baseball.

Example 2

In the book Moneyball by Michael Lewis more specifically chapter nine "The Trading Desk", Billy Bean, the general manager of the Oakland A's, uses innovative techniques of appraising talent and selecting baseball players based off of statistics. His team is one of the lowest payed teams in baseball and he admits "There are rich teams, and there are poor teams, then there's 50 feet of crap, and then there's us"(12). He focuses on a modernized, analytical, and saber metric approach to assembling a competitive baseball team, despite the team's disadvantaged revenue situation.

Work Cited

Everstine, Eric W. 1919 Black Sox Scandal. N.p., 1998. Web. 19 Sept. 2011.

  <http://www.montgomerycollege.edu/Departments/hpolscrv/blacksox.htm>

Lewis, Michael. Moneyball: the Art of Winning an Unfair Game. New York: W.W. Norton, 2003. Print.

Mayer, Frank. "Alleged Baseball Scandal." Mayer Brown and Platte Oct. (1988): 1-29. Print.

First paragraph of my 2Syn paper

In the end what is more important money or the game? When most of us think of baseball, we head back to the fields of our youths, and the inexplicable joy we got from playing baseball. We learned about teamwork and sportsmanship. Baseball was just a game. This philosophy gives the game a childlike sense of simplicity, and it’s the purest and most innocent of the philosophies. The only thing that matters is that enjoyment is derived from the experience, which happens because it is a game. Baseball is also a business, and because it is such a profitable business, it’s no surprise that there are people in it for just the money. Money plays a key role in baseball, which cause scandals and gambling to occur. One main example of people in it just for the money is the Black Sox Scandal, where eight players met up with a gambler who paid them all to throw the World Series. They gave up the biggest game of their lives for money. But not every coach or player has the same intentions. In the book “Moneyball” by Michael Lewis more specifically chapter nine “The Trading Desk”, Billy Bean, the general manager of the Oakland A's, uses innovative techniques of appraising talent and selecting baseball players based off of statistics. He focuses on a modernized, analytical, and saber metric approach to assembling a competitive baseball team, despite Oakland's disadvantaged revenue situation. The Oakland A’s have one of the lowest salaries in baseball but ended up creating an amazing team. He focuses mainly on the game and the true talent in baseball even with the remuneration disability. The Black Sox’s were associated with the idea of money over the game and the Oakland A’s were focused on the team and baseball talent to win the game and disregarded the importance of money.

After reading this first paragraph what do you think my paper is about?